Poor Little Girl

September 11th 2010

Poor Me :-(

After early morning Mass this morning John and I went for a lovely swim, the pool was nice and quiet and we headed back up to the hospital refreshed spiritually and physically. John dropped me at the door and went to park, we're saving a good bit of money by finding free on-street parking rather than using the pay car park attached to the hospital. I went on up to high dependency and went through the usual procedure..buzz at the door, someone checks that everything is ok with baby (they don't want parents arriving unannounced during a procedure or crisis) you go in hang up your outside coat, wash hands, apply sanitiser, don plastic apron and then go in to see your child. Louise was lying awake and feeling miserable and very sorry for herself. She looked at me so pitifully I'd have loved to have picked her up and given her a little cuddle but she's still not up to that so I had a little cry instead. Because she's getting more alert when she's awake she's quite distressed so it's a relief to see her nod off again.

The ICU consultant came around shortly after John came in and told us he's happy with Louise's progress and he was hoping to have her moved to the ward in the afternoon if they could get her off one particular drug without any problem. He was also arranging to have her middle drain removed leaving the other two in place. We asked him about her cardiologist's concern for the pressure on Louise's brain considering her Dandy Walker condition, he said the first thing they'd be looking for in that regard would be clinical signs of listlessness more than expected, not waking up or not making an effort to move, all of which seem fine with Louise. Her tight fontanel is due to the swelling from the op. I mentioned that the Neurologist had mentioned he'll probably see her in this hospital stay anyway and he said Louise's cardiologist would be watching the whole situation. Next week when she's recovered more I'll be canvassing for all the specialists who said months ago they'd review her now to follow through. I'm hoping that maybe her first tooth might decide to make an appearance while we're in to save us a another trip to the hospital. I know, in the midst of great drama I can always find some triviality to think about!!

Driving home during the quiet time, every song on the radio seemed to be a specially chosen tearjerker!! We decided instead of going straight home we'd pop into the cemetery and spend a little time at my mother's graveside. I had another little cry (I think it's all just a release of tension rather than from worry) and asked my mother as well as Louise's seven siblings already in Heaven to help their littlest sister's discomfort. Mammy was a really special person with a fantastic personality, I've thought of her many many times over this past year and how she'd have had Louise dressed in the most beautiful little hand knit cardigans and 'shawlies'. I attribute a lot of how well Louise has done so far to her prayers. I miss her.

We got a phone call from the hospital during lunch to tell us Louise has been moved to the ward and we could go straight there when we returned. The removal of the chest drain had required some sedation so Louise thankfully slept on and off . She's getting breastmilk in small doses, by bottle this morning (which was good as she's never really had a bottle before) and this afternoon via her tube due to her sleepiness. Her progress is right on track and my upset at her 'misery' is from a mother's viewpoint rather than a medical one. I'm not staying in the hospital tonight but will plan to stay from tomorrow. John's parents are bring the children back early enough tomorrow and we're hoping to bring them up and allow each one in for a few minutes with Louise. They're dying to see her and now that she's wearing a babygro hiding the remaining drains etc it'll be less traumatic for them.

Home then for my favourite meal (NOT!!!) Big Mac & Fries. (washed down with my daily cholesterol reducing yogurt drink!!) I'm off to bed now, I actually fell asleep for about 5 minutes with my head leaning uncomfortably against the wall in the hospital.

Louise & Dolly Back on the ward, and snuggly in a nice clean babygro.

Just Exhausted